The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb
by Mark Roper
Summary: One man has seemingly lost everything. He has to find his resolve and fight to get back what he has lost. Can he succeed?
1. Default Chapter

**_Disclaimer: _**_I own nothing. I make no money._

**_A/N: _**_This story is told in Harm's point of view. Since that is the case a lot of the story is Harm's version. As we know there are two sides to every story, but this is what I am portraying because this story is about a man who seemingly has lost everything and decides to get his life back in order the best way he can. This story takes place in season 9. Everything up to episode 'Coming Home' Is considered in my story's continuity. Anything after that including the season finale will not be included. Any similarities to future episodes are not intentional. _

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb**

My name is Harmon Rabb Jr. I am a Commander in the U.S. Navy. My life has just fallen into the bottomless pit of loneliness and despair. I have lost almost everything that means something to me.

I ponder my life while I sit here doing my best to get drunk. I am afraid beer is not cutting it and I have switched to bourbon. I know that alcohol is not the answer but somehow, I don't care. I have lost Mattie. I have lost Mac. I still have what's left of my broken career, but without those two in my life… let's just say that a career with several torpedo holes in it won't keep you warm at night, figuratively or literally.

Three nights ago, Mattie left me. I should take comfort in the fact that I will see her as often as I can, but I don't. Mattie finally made reconciliation with her father, Tom Johnson. They managed to put their family back together through Mattie's meetings with ALATEEN, and dinners here with her father. I call Tom her father because I have not let go of the thought that I am her dad, even though I can no longer claim that title.

_Three days ago:_

"I am really going to miss you Harm," Mattie told me with tears in her eyes.

"I am going to miss you too," I tell her as I fight back my own tears. "Don't worry though, you can call me anytime. I will be coming to visit as much as I can. We still have each other, but you have to set things right with your father. Mattie, I want you to know that I will always think of you as my daughter. I love you kiddo."

Mattie wrapped her arms around me, squeezed me tight, and softly said, "I love you too, dad." She then ran and jumped into Tom's truck and she waved as they drove away. Jennifer Coates walked up from behind me and I put my arm around her as we waved goodbye. We were both crying by the time they were out of view. We both had held it together until she was gone. We had to be strong for her. Now we just stood out in the night embraced into a hug, trying to find some cold comfort to the loss we both felt. Jen came back to my apartment and we discussed what her future plans would be now that Mattie was gone. Since she no longer had right to half of the rent being paid by me, she was thinking of moving to a smaller and cheaper apartment. She would need a furnished one since most of the furniture came from Mattie's house. I asked her to follow me downstairs.

"What are we doing, sir?" she asked me. Damn Jen, all this time and you still can't call me Harm. She is almost as bad as Bud. At least Harriet finally got it right.

"First of all Jen, please call me Harm when we aren't in uniform. Second, Mrs. Abrams has moved out downstairs and her apartment is available. I want you to see it before you make any decisions."

"Ok Harm. I still don't think I can afford to live in this building. It may look like an old warehouse on the outside but these apartments are still out of my league."

"Trust me," I tell her as I pull out a key to Mrs. Abrams' apartment and show her inside. Mrs. Abrams had a one bedroom apartment as opposed to the two bedroom that Mattie shared with Jen. Jen looks around and the apartment is clean and tidy, with hardwood floors, nice furniture, and in a style similar to the one she lives in now.

"Wow. This is really nice, do you think I can afford it, Harm?" she asked me. I smiled as I told her it was hers if she wanted it for the same price as she was paying now. It didn't take long for her to finally realize what was going on. "You own this building don't you?" All I could do was give her a smile that told her that I did indeed own the building.

When my father was shot down in 1969, the Navy took care of my mom and me. We both received military benefits. Of course, Mom lost hers when she married Frank, but I continued to receive mine until my 18th birthday. I didn't know it at the time because I was only five years old, but my mom took mine and saved every penny of it for me. When she married Frank, he invested my money for me. Believe me when I say that a senior VP of Chrysler knows how to invest money. He invested it all for me along with money I made working for Happy at his hangar. Happy was very good to me growing up. He told me stories of his life as an aviator. He taught me everything I know about fixing up airplanes. He even taught me how to fly. To make a long story short, I used some of the money to by my Vette when I was 17. Otherwise, I never touched the money until I moved to DC. I bought the building and started renovating it. I did all of the other apartments first so I could rent them out while I finished mine. I used my Navy salary to pay for my old apartment. I lived there until about 2 months before my adventure at Red Rock Mesa.

Jen was very happy with the new apartment so we packed up what little of her things remained and we moved her downstairs. It sure was fun moving her bedroom furniture with the lift out again. One of these days I am going to replace that damn thing.

_Back to present:_

I grab another beer out of the fridge. The bourbon helped get the buzz I was looking for and I decided I finish it off with more beer. I may be feeling like the world has come to an end but that is nothing compared to what would happen to me at work tomorrow if Chegwidden gets wind of my hangover. I find myself standing in Mattie's empty apartment. It just strengthens my resolve to get falling down drunk. I miss Mattie so much and it has only been 3 days. Unfortunately, Mattie is only part of the problem. I lock her apartment and head back to mine. I need another beer before this little trip down memory lane. This little episode happened tonight at AJ's 5th birthday party. Mac put an end to my dream of 5 years ago. She told me the deal was off. I grab another beer and open it and take a huge swig as the memory starts playing in my head like a video tape.

_Earlier that day:_

"So you don't want to go halves on the kid that we promised each other?" I asked Mac softly. I couldn't read her expression. Sometimes I just can't grasp what the woman is feeling. She has a look that is a cross between a puppy begging for a rub on the head and the Mac that is about to send a scud missile up my six and blow my case in court straight to hell.

"If you remember correctly Harm, that was under the condition that neither one of us be involved with someone. I am very much involved, so bye bye baby deal," she told me with a smirk on her face that I would slap off if only she were a man.

All I could say was, "Webb," with all the disgust I could muster. I tried to keep my jealousy out of my voice, but Mac knows me too well. She ignored it though. She decided to just taunt me instead.

"That's right, Webb. Clay and I are very happy together. He is so open with his feelings. Besides, Harm you have Mattie now, so the Rabb legacy can live on." She just can't help herself. She just has to be so damn perky about my misery. She has taken perverse pleasure in hurting me, especially since Paraguay. I think she is trying to pick a little fight. I don't know if it is just that she hates me so much or she is trying to make herself feel better about choosing Webb instead of me. Of course she didn't know about Mattie leaving. I felt pain wash through my body as I steeled myself for the fight that was coming. Then I decided to hell with fighting with her. In fact, to hell with her. I hated it for her, but I was not going to bite. I decided to send a final jab and make my way home to get drunk.

"Well, I guess we come full circle, Colonel. Only this time the loop is broken and your fairytale is complete," I told her. I know she had no idea what I was talking about. She got this look on her face that told me a question was coming. Too bad, I decided to cut her off at the knees. I turned and walked away as she called after me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Harm? Harm?!?"

"Goodbye, Sarah," I said over my shoulder as I walked away. It was over. I made my goodbyes to Bud, Harriet and AJ. I hopped in my Vette and headed for home.

_Back to present:_

I guess I have had enough alcohol for the night. The pain I feel is not gone, but it is dulled somewhat. I guess that has to do with the fact I can barely walk straight. Being drunk has never interfered with my music though. I grab my trusty guitar and start strumming. I needed a song. Something fitting for the situation... I got it. A little REO Speedwagon ought to do the trick. I think for a minute as the chords come back to my memory. I try it once or twice until I get it right, then I let it rip:

_You tell me what you think I'm feelin'  
You know why I do what I do  
Why should you listen to a word I'm sayin'  
When it's already so clear to you  
You tell me 'bout my bad intentions  
You doubt the very things I hold true  
I can no longer live with your misconceptions  
Baby all I can say to you, is  
  
That ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion  
That ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me  
As long as I say what you wanna hear  
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be  
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me  
  
We've got to talk it over sometime  
These feelings won't just disappear  
I'm just gonna keep telling you what's on my mind  
Even if it's not what you wanna hear  
Ooooh right now your world and mine are such different places  
Through yours I wander lost and confused  
And I feel like I'm speaking in a different language  
And the only words I haven't used  
  
Are that ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion  
That ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me  
As long as I say what you wanna hear  
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be  
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me  
  
You keep tellin' me  
You know a place where your life would be better  
You're makin' plans long-range  
But I don't know how you expect to get there  
When you refuse to change - yeah  
  
Oooh baby - that ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion  
No baby, that ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me  
As long as I say what you wanna hear  
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be  
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me  
  
Oooh baby that ain't love  
Love love love love love love love  
That ain't love, ooh no  
Baby that ain't love,  
That ain't love  
That ain't love  
That ain't love_

God that felt good. That song just seemed to fit my life with Mac. I feel like a weight is lifted. The pain is still there, but a newfound resolve has slipped into my psyche. If my career is all I have left, then I will put my all into it. I feel pretty good right now. The only thing that would have been better would have been if Mac could have heard the song and realized that I am not going to be her target anymore. If Webb wants her, he can have her, good and bad. As soon as the thought comes out, there is a knock on my door. I know who it is as I sense her presence. Maybe she heard it after all. That thought gives me courage as I yell, "It's open Mac."

It's going to be a long night.

_To be continued._


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: _**_I own nothing. I make no money._

**_A/N: _**_This story is told in Harm's point of view. Since that is the case a lot of the story is Harm's version. As we know there are two sides to every story, but this is what I am portraying because this story is about a man who seemingly has lost everything and decides to get his life back in order the best way he can. This story takes place in season 9. Everything up to episode 'Coming Home' is considered in my story's continuity. Anything after that including the season finale will not be included. Any similarities to future episodes are not intentional. _

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 2**

Yep. Definitely a long night. In the split second before the door opened, I realized that I am not as drunk as I would like to be. I think the rush of adrenaline that just hit me has sobered me up. Of course the last year or so of fighting with Mac would sober a man more than any cold shower or any pot of coffee on the planet. My nerves are steel. My body is steel.  My heart is steel…I wish. Who am I kidding? The woman standing in my doorway shatters every defense I have.  Come on Hammer. You can do this. There is no sense hanging on to a woman that loves someone else.  We have both been in limbo and hanging on to her is going to destroy you both. 

"Mac, what brings you here?" I ask her with all the control I have as a pilot.  Not only do I have to contend with an angry marine that I am in love with but can't have, I also have to shake off this alcohol.  Damn Hammer, you are real smooth.  Way to think ahead.  You knew damn well she would be coming over here after earlier.  You just had to get drunk.  I fight a war inside my head in a few simple seconds as she looks me over.  She knows I have been drinking.  Hell, she can probably smell it from the door.  I guess I thought I could handle seeing her again tonight and I didn't care what she thought about my drinking.  I don't remember a time I have ever gotten this intoxicated knowing she might be around.  I start to feel a little guilty about doing something she is unable to do but I fight it down.  Why should I care?  She doesn't love me.  She never did.  I wasted years hoping to keep her at arm's length until my career had run its course.  I knew my career would be over one day and then I could have her.  She would fulfill the rest of my life.  She could give me something even a Tomcat couldn't.  I found out real quick didn't I?  Last year I gave up the Navy, and she told me never.  I quit my job and flew to a different continent to save her life and she decided she liked playing house with Webb.  Yeah that's it Harm. Focus on the negative and you will have the courage to finish this with her.  Brumby, Webb, Brumby, Webb, it's always the same pattern.  Keep it up, she is about to speak.

"I came to talk to you.  We need to clear the air.  Is this a bad time?"  Yep she is upset that I have been drinking heavily.  I can hear it in her voice.  How can you know a woman so well in some areas to a point you know what she is going to say before she says it, but when it comes to relationships with her, you have no freaking clue what she thinks, what she feels? 

"This time is no worse than any other.  We might as well get this over with once and for all so we can both move on," I tell her calm and evenly.  Keep it up Rabb.  If you can make it through tonight without blowing it, you might have a chance at forgetting this woman and focus on living the rest of your life.  Don't start showing emotions now.  You know she is going to say something to piss you off soon.  She has been good at that lately.  We both have.  Really and truly since my trial we have had virtually nothing good to say to the other.  Where did it go wrong?  How can two people who have been so close wind up being so hateful to each other?

She just looks at me for a moment.  She doesn't know how to read me. Then she just puts it out on the table, "I want to know what you meant earlier today.  What circle are you talking about?"

"What does it matter Mac?  We dance, we spar, we fight, and we just outright avoid the issues at hand.  You have Webb.  He makes you happy.  Go play footsies and the two of you can go halves on a little spook with a great sense of timing."  There, the first missile away.  Take that Mac.

"You are just impossible Harm.  I don't know why I put up with you," she replies.  I know she is getting mad.  That little corner of her lip is twitching and one eyebrow is starting raise just slightly.  I can see the vein in the side of her neck bulging.

"Maybe you shouldn't.  If I am such a terrible person why do you put up with me?  You know what?  Forget this.  We have nothing to say to each other Mac.  We have nothing left.  Just go home to Webb.  I just hope his missions in bed go better than his missions with the Agency."  Direct hit.  Any second now, she is going to go into full marine mode and that will be all she wrote on this little conflict.  She never discusses emotions or relationships when she is acting like a full fledged, tattoo wearing jarhead.  I just have to stay strong.  Treat her like a witness on the stand and lead her exactly where I want her to go.  That is one of the differences between her and me.  I use my aviator control along with my attributes in the courtroom.  She has to suppress some of her marine training when questioning a witness, otherwise she would rip their heads off, especially after I tear them apart on cross.  Nothing pisses her off in court more than to see me turn her well prepared expert into shredded wheat.

"HOW DARE YOU!?!?" she screams at me.  I think I just dropped an ICBM on our friendship.  I think this time there will be no going back.

"Truth hurt, Colonel?  I think you and I have been good at laying it out for each other over the years.  Feelings aside, let's just get this over with.  I have a busy day tomorrow and you are burning up my sleep time."  My courage is slipping a little.  I think I need to end this quick.

She paces around my apartment.  She is trying to regain control over herself.  I think she wants to rip me a new asshole.  "Look, I just want to know what you meant earlier at the birthday party.  Is it so hard for you to just answer my damn question? Good God Harm, we used to be better friends than this.  What has happened to us?"  Oh great she is playing the friendship card again.  Yeah some friends we are.  We use every opportunity to hurt each other.

"What makes you think we are friends Mac?  Examine the evidence.  You follow me to Russia twice.  I told you that I would never forget what you did for me.  I follow you to Paraguay, save your life, and you don't even say thank you.  Not one stinking word of appreciation came out of your mouth to me.  To Webb and Gunny sure, but not to me.  The Admiral kicks me out of JAG when we get back and all you can do is drag me to see your stupid spook boyfriend.  You don't even tell me you are sorry that I lost my career to save your life.  Then when I do get to come back to JAG, we do nothing but lodge attacks against each other.  We do nothing but do our damndest to hurt each other.  That is not friendship Mac. Not at all."  I know what she is going to say and I am prepared for it.

"I did help you get custody of Mattie.  If that is not a sign of friendship, I don't know what is."

"Yeah, you did help me get Mattie.  I am eternally grateful for that.  Don't forget how you just ripped apart my reasoning for taking her in.  Don't forget how not too long ago you told me it was a matter of time before I lost interest in my daughter.  Back to the point, when it mattered, really mattered, I show gratitude to you.  When I help you, you are too busy running around Semper Fying and proving what a marine you are to even say thank you."  From the look on her face, I have to say that some of that actually sank in. 

"But Harm, I do apprec…"

"Forget it Mac, it's too late now.  Someone shouldn't have to point out to you to say thanks.  It would me meaningless if you finished that sentence."  It's true.  If she said thank you for Paraguay right now, I wouldn't believe it. I would take it as an insult to my intelligence. 

"Alright, Harm.  If you don't consider us friends, then what do you consider us?"  That is a good question.  I have to brace myself to say to her what I never thought I would have to say.

"I consider us over…done...finished."  I fight the urge to take it back.  I'm sorry Sarah.  This is how it has to be if I am going to survive.  We aren't friends.  I can't label my love for you as friendship.  My hope for the future with you is gone.  I could play friends with you when I knew it was a matter of time before you were my wife.  Now with that gone, I can't pretend anymore.  Besides, I think we have hurt each other too much to have a relationship.  Even if you did love me, it wouldn't work.  I didn't believe the word never was the case in Paraguay like you did, but that simple little word was a knife to my heart and it twisted every time we spat insults at each other.  I am now at the point of never.

A tear falls down her cheek, "How can you say that Harm?"

"It's easy, you move your lips and start talking.  Over…done…finished.  See?" I am at the point of being cruel now.  I feel like crying.  I need to tell her this is all a sham.  Admit to her that I love her and that is why I can't go on.  Come on Harm; just tell her for God's sake.  Don't let this go on anymore.  No…no, this is how it has to be.  I can't give her the satisfaction of shooting me down again.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.  Remember she doesn't love you.  She loves Webb, and before that Brumby.  Don't be a fool again.  Webb, Brumby, Webb, Brumby.  Just make it through tonight and you will be ok.

Tears are falling freely now from her eyes.  I feel like such a bastard. After a few seconds she speaks, "If friendship means nothing to you then what are you going to have left Harm?"

"I will have my career.  I am going to fight for my career.  I am putting my all to get it back on track for what little time I have left in the Navy.  I used to be one hell of a Naval Officer and I am going to get back to that.  You used to think I was bad before, well watch out Mac.  I am going to be going full throttle in my job from now on."

"Oh yeah, what about Mattie?  How are you going to take care of her and be poster boy for the Navy?  You were so quick to defend what you have with her, yet it sounds like she is going to be dumped by the way side."  My whole body goes tense as she reminds me of Mattie.  My anger reaches the boiling point.  She doesn't know Mattie is gone but it is still salt on an open wound. 

"My relationship with Mattie is none of your business."  Ooh, that will tell her… yeah, great comeback.

"Fine.  What the hell were you talking about earlier?"  She is burning now.  I guess it is time to release Armageddon on my relationship with Mac.

"Your fairytale is to string someone along until you can be saved by some fantasy man you have built up in your life.  With Mic you used me as the fantasy.  The only problem is we never got a relationship off the ground so you turn to Webb who is chomping at the bit to be your hero.  That leaves me.  I have turned into Mic Brumby.  The man who sacrifices everything for the woman he loves only to watch her go off into the sunset with someone else."  Her eyes are wide; her mouth drops open for a second before snapping shut firmly.  If I know Mac, I am about to get slapped and hard.  Go ahead marine do your worst.

'**_SLAP!!' 'SLAP-SLAP' _**Damn that stings.  I expected one slap.  I was prepared for her right hand to cross my cheek.  I guess I dug too deep because she followed the right with a two slap combination left right. Ouch.

"Well, Col. I think we can stick a fork in this conversation.  I don't think we have anything better left to say."  Yep, definitely time to end this.  I turn to walk towards the door to kick her out and decide to push my luck a little further. "Don't go away mad, Mac.  Just go away."  Before I reach the door, my senses kick into overdrive.  I feel the air displacement; I can almost hear the punch coming to the back of my head.  I quickly spin and deflect her fist.  Before I can put a stop to it, I see her foot coming towards my face.  At the blink of an eye I ready myself into a fighting stance.  She sends a flurry of attacks towards me and I block them all.  She just backs away in shock.  I don't know what is shocking her the most at the moment, all the words I said, the fact that she physically attacked me or that I let it slip that I have had extensive martial arts training.  Eight years of Shaolin Kung fu from Chang Su Kim did wonders for a fatherless kid who was mad at the world.  He taught me discipline that allowed me to tolerate Frank, to survive in Vietnam at 16, and become tenacious enough to buckle down for Annapolis.  I suppose Chang Su saved my life by helping to hone my reflexes.  When you are in a Tomcat with 8 nanoseconds to break right before a missile blows your ass out of the sky, sharp reflexes are a definite must.

"I didn't know you studied the art."  It was just a simple statement coming from her.  I think her anger has subsided.

"There is a lot you don't know about me Mac."  My heart is in a million pieces.  I feel so terrible for saying such awful things to her.  I feel bile rising in my throat.  This better be the right thing to do or I won't be able to live with myself. 

"This isn't over Harm."  She is challenging me again.

"Yes, it is." 

"I could order you to continue."  She is going to try to pull rank on me?  How desperate can you get to have the last word? 

"Go ahead and draw up charges because I wouldn't obey.  Good luck getting them to stick.  We are off duty in my home and you are trespassing.  Unlawful orders don't have to be followed.  Goodbye Col." I think that made my point.  She walks to the door and walks out silently.  I close the door and slide down to the floor.  I can't believe she tried to pull rank.  Every chance she gets she throws it in my face that she outranks me.  I was so proud of her when she got promoted, just like I was proud of Kate and Meg.  I knew when I had my crash that my days in the Navy were numbered.  I wasn't a pilot long enough to earn promotion and I was nothing more than a legal aide while in law school.  I figured my promotion to Lt. Commander was political.  I was shocked as hell to make full Commander.  I knew that one was political with Bobbie Latham schmoozing me with her little political robots.  I figured that the Up or Out Clause would catch up to me one day and I would be history.  I took pride in watching my partners grow underneath my wing.  I knew they would all pass me by and I could take solace in the fact that I helped them get to where I could never go.  I sensed the end coming when I left to go back to flying.  I had a chance to finish my naval career the way it started… in a Tomcat.  Mac didn't' need me anymore.  Yet somehow through it all, here I am still in the Navy.  With nothing left to fight for, I can fight to stay in the Navy.  I just wish I could have done that without being such a bastard to the woman I love.  The room starts spinning.  I lean over and vomit comes flying from my mouth.  I just sit here next to my own puke and cry.  I cry hard, for Mac, for Mattie, Diane, my dad.  All the loves I have lost.  In the end I cry for myself.

_To be continued. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make no money._

_A/N: Thanks to all for the kind reviews so far. (There are no reviews for chapter 2 yet, heh heh.)  I am trying to put myself in Harm's shoes in how he deals with his life.  It was difficult to put myself into the position of making Harm's character go so low in the last chapter and I even know how the story is going to end  __J  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  Now, on with the story:_

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 3**

I guess sometime during the night, I stopped crying and passed out next to my own vomit.  Oh dear Lord in heaven, my head feels like it was run over by a C-130.  I stumble across my apartment and head to the kitchen.  0230.  I grab some aspirin toss three in my mouth and wash it down by sticking my face underneath the faucet.  My mouth feels like shit flavored cotton. Note to self: Never, ever drink before shattering the woman you love.  In fact, never ever drink again.  If I skip my morning run, I can sleep until 0800.  That should give me enough time to report by 0900.  I open up a cabinet and grab the peanut butter.  I pull a spoon out of the drawer and jab it into the jar.  I stick the biggest scoop of peanut butter into my mouth that I can manage without choking.  Mmm. Tastes much better than shit flavored cotton.  I head for the head to relieve myself then flop face first down on my bed.  I don't even bother to change clothes.  It is then that I remember that my alarm is set to go off at 0530. Shit.  I grumble as I reach over and change it to 0720.  Better, much better.  That will give me 40 minutes to hit the snooze.

The next thing I know, alarms are going off in my head.  What the hell is that noise?  I want to open my eyes and move but I feel like my body weighs 800 pounds.   I finally realize my alarm clock is going off and manage to pry one eye open.  I glance over to the clock.  Shit! It is 0815.  I am up with a jolt and jumping into the shower before I realize it.  I turn the water on quickly.  It is then that I realize my mistake. Cold, cold, cold! For the love of God that water is cold.  I have a bitter flashback to dumping my Tomcat in the Atlantic before the water warms up.  Well, no doubt about it, I am wide ass awake now. I still feel like shit though.  I shower in record time.  Pissed off Admirals motivate me to move more than a hangover pushes me to slow down.  I jump out of the shower and towel dry off.  I grab my shaving cream and razor.  I look into the mirror before applying the cream.  I catch sight of myself and pause.  When the hell did I get so old?  I know I didn't look this bad a year ago.  I guess my life hasn't slowed down enough to really take a look at myself.  I guess spending a month in the brig would age any man 5 years.  Not to mention playing part in an impromptu anti terrorist squad, getting fired, joining the CIA and flying almost 40 missions in 5 months, getting fired again, and spending 7 months fighting with my best friend who also happens to be the woman I love.  Jesus, my life reads like a TV show with writers who want to throw so much shit at the characters they are unrecognizable.  It's like my show is being cast aside in favor of a spin off.  I shave as quickly as I can without slicing my face into ribbons.  I throw some bread in the toaster and run back to the bedroom.  I have 15 minutes to make up for.  I grab my uniform and throw on my blouse and trousers.  I slip into my shoes and grab my cover.  I ignore protocol and throw it on my head while inside and grab my toast and pour coffee from the coffee maker.  Thank God for coffee makers with a timer.  I am definitely not feeling the Lexus today.  I hop into my baby let the top down, secure my cover.  I am ignoring protocol again by not wearing it but I am going to be driving pretty fast to get to work on time.  It wouldn't look good for me to show up without my cover because it is lying somewhere on the Beltway with tire tracks all over it.

I am halfway to JAG HQ before I realize I have not really thought of last night since… well, since I passed out on the floor.  I am such a jackass.  I can't believe I was so heartless to Mac last night.  I guess it just proves my point, though.  Two people that are capable of throwing that much crap at each other should not be friends.  Maybe it just proves that men and women cannot work together.  No, I worked great with Kate, and Meg.  I even worked great with Mac, at least until I returned from the Patrick Henry.  She criticized my defense of Sec Nelson's son.  She just didn't understand I couldn't save that arrogant little prick by destroying his father and CO.  With Mac it was always about winning.  I have done many things to win, hell any man has pride, but my first duty was to the truth.  I could not attack Sec. Nelson; I don't care how much he thought of me as Harmful Rabb.  I think that is where the jabs we would throw back and forth really started taking a mind of their own.  Even through that I hoped we could get past it, get back into rhythm.  When I left to go back to flying I could almost swear she was in love with me.  When we were on that ferry in Sydney, I thought the same thing.  She asked me if I couldn't let go.  I told her not yet.  I told her not yet so I could get the Navy out of my system.  I wanted to be free to love her with my entire soul.  I wanted to fly that last flight, try that last court martial.  It wasn't until the plane ride home how wrong I was.  I couldn't believe she was wearing that Aussie jerk's ring.  Even though she never married him and we never made it work, I thought there was still time.  I thought Mac and I had a level of understanding that transcended all others.  I hoped we were putting into practice what we never put into words: to slowly come together on a nice and easy path and ride off into the sunset.  I thought relationships were built off of trust and we had that.  I still get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time the memory of Mac kissing Webb in Paraguay enters my head.  God, what a slap to the face.  That hurt worse that the three slaps she gave me last night.  I sure do hope you know what you are getting into with Webb, Mac.  I never could bring myself to tell her how Webb set up her Uncle Matt to steal the Declaration of Independence.  I wonder how she would feel if she knew she was sleeping with the man who had the most important person in her life thrown in the brig.  Then there is Catherine Gale's baby.  I swear that kid looks an awful lot like Clay's baby picture hanging up in Porter Webb's house.  I didn't ask Catherine about it and she sure didn't offer.  Who can blame her though? 

I turn into JAG HQ and grab my cover before I am spotted.  The guard searches my car. That's another advantage to driving the Vette instead of the Lexus.  It takes half the time to make it through the checkpoint.  My tires squeal as I skid into my parking space.  No time to raise the top.  I grab my briefcase and run into the building.  I glance at the clock on the wall.  0903. Not bad but not good enough.  Screw the elevator, I run up the stairs.  I am getting too damn old to sprint up several flights of steps because my stupid ass is late for work again. My knees are creaking and popping as I enter JAG OPS.  I try to slide unnoticed into my office when the sound of death approaches the airwaves.

"RABB!  My office," he barks as he turns and enters into his torture chamber.  I hand off my cover and briefcase to Harriet who gives me that look of pity that only she can.  I attempt to smell my breath and hope to everything that is holy the Admiral is not pissed off enough to get nose to nose with me.  I enter his office and come to attention.  "At ease and have a seat."  I sit down and breathe a sigh of relief.  "Commander, Petty Officer Coates put in her change of address this morning.  Upon questioning her, I am aware you are no longer the guardian to Ms Grace.  I just wanted to let you know if there is anything I can do, let me know.  I understand how tough it is to lose a daughter." What?  What the hell?  Who knew the old man still had a heart where I am concerned? 

"Thank you, sir.  There is something you can do for me.  I would appreciate it if you can keep Mattie leaving between us for now.  I still need to process it and accept the loss before everyone starts throwing pity around.  That is not what I need."  It's true.  I need to process my feelings.  I always have.  My knee jerk reactions have never expressed what was deep down inside.  The last thing I want to do is have a knee jerk reaction where Mattie is concerned.  She means much more to me than that.  "Sir, I was also wondering if I could take two weeks leave?"

"I don't see that as a problem, Commander.  When do you expect the Jackson hearing to conclude?"

"Captain Sebring is reconvening tomorrow.  I have only one witness left.  I would hope this will be over by Wednesday, sir."  I hope anyway.

"Take your 2 weeks starting Thursday.  I do have to ask, Commander.  Why do you need 2 weeks?" Damn AJ, I was afraid you were going to ask that.

"Sir, I am feeling out of sorts.  With losing Mattie and Ma- uh, sir, I need to regroup, and figure out where I still fit in the Navy and how go about not blowing my career apart."  Please let this slide, Admiral.  I am not in the mood for a lecture today.  I am heartbroken and hung over.  For once in my time with you at JAG, give me the easy way out.

"I see, Commander," he says to me with is eyebrows raised. "Dismissed."

"Aye, sir!" I say to him as I snap to, about face and head for the door. I am doing my best to get out the door before he changes his mind.

"Oh, and Rabb, try to let your excitement over two weeks leave encourage you to report on time." Damn, he got me.

"Yes sir," I say to him as I exit his office.

I spend an hour hiding in my office before I feel recovered enough to show my face in Ops.  I head for the coffee pot and pour myself a cup. I take one sip and I know Mac made the coffee. This is just what I need to help me kick start today.  I glance over to her office and see her working.  My heart pounds in my chest.  She must sense something because she looks up and our eyes meet.  I give her a small smile and a slight nod.  She does the same.  I can see her eyes are a little puffy from crying.  Believe me Sarah, I feel the same way.  I hope this can last.  It would be nice if we can keep the peace.  Maybe one day you and I can figure this out and be friends again.  Maybe in a time that I can handle seeing you love someone else without wanting to die.  Ha!  That could take decades.  I look over and see Bud and Harriet talking almost in a whisper.  They both look like they lost their dog.

"Lieutenants, good morning; is everything ok?'  I ask.  The looks on both of their faces tell me something is very wrong.

"Good morning sir," Bud says.  "I am afraid I received bad news.  It seems that I am a candidate for a new prosthetic limb that could allow more mobility and make it possible for me to return to full duty.  I received word today that the Navy will only fund the standard limb.  They deem the new one to be experimental and therefore optional."  What? My God, I should kick myself for thinking my life sucks.  At least I can still see Mattie, and Mac.  Poor Bud is about to be stuck on limited duty which puts him in danger of the Up or Out Clause more than me.  Stupid red tape is going to destroy a fine officer.  Bastards!

"That's terrible, Bud."  I couldn't think of anything else to say.  I talk to Bud and Harriet for a few more minutes and get some further details.  I excuse myself and go back to my office.  I know what I have to do.  I pick up the phone and make my call.  I have to do a lot of sweet talking but my mission is complete.  I just hope I know what I am doing.

The morning runs into afternoon and I grab a salad from the cafeteria.  I sit in private and pick at the wilted lettuce.  I see Mac come in and grab a tray.  I see her take a seat across the room and our eyes meet again.  Another mutual nod and we go back to our own thing.  I have a quivering in my stomach.  I don't know if it is from Mac or from my upcoming appointment.  Hell, it is probably both.  I pick at my salad some more then give up in disgust.  I glance at my watch and head back to my office.  I grab my cover and head for the elevator.  I tell Harriet that I have an interview this afternoon.

An hour later as I sit here, I hear a voice call me name, "Commander Rabb?  Secretary Sheffield can see you now."

It's going to be a long day.

_To be continued…_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: _**_I own nothing. I make no money._

**_A/N: _**_Thanks to all for the good reviews.  To answer some of the questions: Yes I am a man and no I am not DJE writing under a pen name. If I were I would be able to afford all of the toys that Harmon Rabb gets to play with.  I hope you continue to enjoy the story.  I know most people like stories where Harm and Mac just suddenly admit their love and live happily ever after.  I like those stories too, I am just trying to write a story based on what has actually happened on the show and I don't think they should just do an episode that they just magically get it right within an hour.   I know the creators of the show feel that they should not get together because the show will end (Moonlighting curse) and I guess I understand why they don't want to kill the highest rated show on Friday nights, I just think they could go about explaining why they aren't together a little better.  There comes a point in time where you have to put them together or you alienate the fans and I think they have past the point.  In my story I am trying to build on the hole the creators of the show have dug themselves into.  I like to add back story into it to tighten up the continuity.  I have to admit this is the first time I have ever written in first person, but I am finding that I am really starting to identify with the character of Harmon Rabb a little better.  I have the entire story mapped out in my head and try to write a chapter or two each day.  I know how it is going to end and most of the main points in my head.  It is amazing how the story grows when it is time to actually sit down and write the whole thing out.  I hope to continue to stay true to the vision of the story and continue to identify with Harm.  I have enjoyed writing this so far and I am already thinking of writing a companion piece to the story in Mac's point of view.  If I decide to write that one, it will prove to be interesting as I am not a woman and I will be writing in a woman's point of view.  I think in general in the stories I read, it is easier for women to identify with the man's perspective than it is for me as a man to identify with a woman's perspective.   As I have stated there are two sides to every story and there will be a lot of Mac's actions in this story that will go unexplained and I feel that maybe a companion piece will fill the gaps. _

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 4**

With each step towards the SECNAV's office I find myself putting on my courtroom face, as well as hardening the steel in my soul as if I were about to be chewed out by the Admiral.  I also find with each step a myriad of memories flash through my mind.  A young ensign on the Seahawk, a bumbling Lieutenant in the White House Rose Garden, a good friend helping me hide after my brig break, a proud father in the floor of the Admiral's office, a good man and a good friend lying close to death with his leg blown off at the knee begging me to tell his wife that he loves her.  Bud Roberts has been the most loyal and dependable of any friend I can think of, including Mac.  True Mac has done bigger things for me, but never as consistently as the man I am about to fight for.  I felt so sorry for myself last night.  I forgot that I have a whole body that functions.  Aches and pains aside, I am healthy.  I can do anything I set my mind to do and right now, my mind is set on saving my friend from losing one more piece of his soul. 

Secretary Sheffield stands in front of his desk as his secretary leads me into his office.  He is a relatively small man and I tower over him in comparison.  He seems much kinder and gentler than his predecessor.  That is the danger though.  Secretary Nelson got his way by blustering and unfortunately spitting as he yells.  Sheffield is a crafty man who gets what he wants by manipulating situations like a puppet master.  Don't get me wrong, Nelson was manipulative, any man in that kind of position of power has to be, but Sheffield makes it seem like an art form.  He looks timid as he begins to speak, but I know he's not, "Commander Rabb, it is a pleasure to see you.  To what do I owe this visit?"

Ok Rabb, let's do this right, "Mr. Secretary, sir.  I am here on behalf of a fellow officer by the name of Bud Roberts."

"I see.  I take it you want to speak on his behalf for the Navy's refusal to fund the new prosthetic?"  Damn.  This guy already knows why I am here.  Why do I get the feeling I am about to be set up?

"That is correct, sir.  It is my hope to convince you not to scuttle a good man's career over a limitation that can be corrected if the Navy would only consent.  Mr. Secretary, Bud Roberts is a fine officer, a good husband and father, a friend to all, and a huge asset to the Navy.  He has a clean record and has the potential to be the best lawyer in the Navy.  He has sacrificed his leg for the Navy. He has worked hard and honored us with his dedication.  How can we turn our backs on such a man?"  So far, so good.   A tiny portion of my brain is in a Tomcat out on an effortless cruise.  It is a technique I have used in every appearance in court.  It has not let me down so far, I hope this is not the first.

"I see Commander.  I just don't see why the Navy should bare the expense for this.  As you know I have to answer to Congress on the budget and…" I have to get control here fast.  Don't give him time to throw dollar signs in his favor.

"With all due respect Mr. Secretary, if you will look at this report that I have with me before you finish that sentence."  He looks at me with a strange look on his face.  I know I am pushing my luck interrupting him like that.  I just have to get momentum going my way or I will crash and burn fast.  I hand him the report that I worked on this morning.  "Sir, as you can see this is the estimated cost for the Navy to fund research just on Lieutenant Roberts.  If you will compare to this column.  This is my annual salary for the years that Bud Roberts has worked under me and this column represents the estimated amount of my time to ready Mr. Roberts to become a lawyer for the Navy.  As you can see, the cost of bringing a new attorney in line to replace Mr. Roberts far outweighs the cost for what I am proposing.  This doesn't even include the cost from Col. Mackenzie or Admiral Chegwidden's contribution to the training."

I can almost see the wheels turning in his head.  "What exactly is it you are proposing, Commander?"  Ok Harm, you have cast the line and he is nibbling.  Let's see if we can make the bait tasty enough for him to bite. 

"Sir, many fine men and women in the military get discharged due to injuries similar to Lieutenant Roberts'.  If you will approve this procedure we can give it a trial run with Mr. Roberts for one year.  If it works, we can keep these fine officers and continue to give them meaningful lives in the military and allow them to serve their country like they have always wanted to do.  Think of the PR the Navy will receive from such an action.  We would be the first to try something like this.  We could be the pioneers in a new era of the entire military system."  Please let this be enough and if it isn't please don't let me be the cause of sealing Bud's fate with the Navy.  I don't know why I thought I was the man for this job, but I guess I chose myself because I can.  Maybe this is my way of paying Bud back for all the years of undying loyalty and friendship.  Maybe this is penance for being so selfish.

"You raise an interesting point, Mr. Rabb.  If I were to agree to this type of funding, why should I choose Bud Roberts?  Why not someone who serves as a weapon specialist on a carrier?"  Well, he is considering my proposal.  That is good.  He is definitely taking the bait.  All I have to do now is convince him that Bud is the man for the job.  What can I offer him?

"Sir, all I can say is Bud Roberts is a good officer, a good man, a good husband and a good father.  As I told you he has the potential to be the best lawyer in the Navy, or better yet in all of the military.  If you choose him, I have no doubt in my mind that Bud Roberts could go all the way to being the Judge Advocate General."  That is the damn truth too.  All Bud needs is to bring the confidence in the courtroom out into his entire life and learn some leadership skills.  I have no doubt in my mind that he is capable of going that far.

Sheffield looks at me for a moment.  He is up to something.  I have the strangest feeling that I am the one taking his bait instead of the other way around. "Do you think Roberts could be better than you in the courtroom, Commander?" 

"Yes, Mr. Secretary.  I have no doubt in my mind the Bud Roberts could fill my place at JAG.  He is that good."  It's true.  I have never seen someone sway the members with cold hard facts like Bud.  He has pulled off victories in court that didn't require shooting off weapons.  Bud can destroy any testimony he puts his mind to.

"Well, Commander.  You have a deal.  You have 6 months to get Bud Roberts ready to replace you." What?  Did I just sandbag myself?  I was right, he was baiting me.  Well, if my time in the Navy is up, I can't think of a better man to take my place.  Bud has a family to support and I have nothing.  I wish there were a way to save us both.  I had hoped to get my career back on track and somehow beat the odds.

"Thank you, Mr. Secretary.  I pledge to you that I will dedicate my few remaining months to the Navy making sure Bud Roberts will be ready."  Well, that's it.  I have fallen on my sword, shot a missile up my own six.  I hope I can get one last ride in a Tomcat before it is all over.  Why the hell is he looking at me like that?

"Oh no, Mr. Rabb you aren't going anywhere.  I have plans for you?"  Plans?  What plans?  Damn this guy is good.  He is more devious than I thought.  I have this feeling like I just slipped into bed with a pit of snakes.

"I don't understand, sir?  I thought you wanted me to groom Mr. Roberts as my replacement." 

"Oh, I do Commander, I do.  From what I have seen you are as fine a lawyer as you are an aviator.  Fearless, determined, and a man with conviction and honor.  I have uses for a man of your caliber.  That is not something we need to discuss today.  We will meet again."  I think I did just crawl into bed with a pit of snakes.  Oh hell.

"Sir, I feel that I should inform you that after I resigned from the Navy last year, I worked for the CIA.  I did not feel comfortable with some of their practices.  I felt like I was stretching the limits of my principles.  If you have something similar planned for me, I will not back away from what I hold true."  As much as I love Bud and want to help him, I cannot compromise what I feel to be the truth.  I just can't do it.

He just laughs wickedly for a second.  "I assure you Mr. Rabb; I have nothing quite as painful planned for you.  I think it is time you learn the truth.  You never resigned from the Navy."  What the hell?  Where has he been living?  I think throwing my wings on the Admiral's desk and saying I resign is pretty self explanatory.

"Sir, I did submit my resignation papers.  Admiral Chegwidden processed them."

"Which I ordered him to do, Commander."  He pulls a file out of his drawer and opens it.  He shows me my letter of resignation.  "This was placed in your file as a smoke screen.  AJ came to see me and fought long and hard about sending someone to Paraguay to save Col. Mackenzie.  I am afraid the military could not sanction such a rescue, but a former naval officer?  Oh yes, my dear friend Director Kershaw was more than happy to lend you a hand to save your friends.  Think of it as a newfound cooperation between the CIA and the Navy that came from your little incident with the dirty nuke.  There only condition was to keep you for six months.  Apparently they needed a pilot of your skills."  Well, I'll be damned.  I knew politicians were devious.  These guys are masters.  "Fortunately, your little C-130 carrier landing ended your TAD to the CIA a month early.  Speaking of that, I have something for you Commander.  Please stand."

I stand up and snap to.  This is just weird.  All this time Mac said I was playing spy and she was right.  I was still in the Navy.  Sometimes life just throws you in a spin.  Sheffield takes a box out of his drawer and walks over to me and stands in front of me.  "Commander it has already been placed in your official record, now I present you The Distinguished Flying Cross for the brave landing of a C-130 on to a carrier with no tailhook or brakes."  A 3rd DFC.  Who would've thought?  Why is it they give medals to guys who do things out of desperation and are just lucky?

 He pins the medal to my blouse and I salute him.  "Thank you, sir."  He shakes my hand and returns to his seat at his desk.

"Good day Commander and remember, you have six months."  Sheffield then clicks the intercom to his secretary, "Yes, go ahead and submit the budget approval on Lieutenant Roberts."  That sneaky son of a bitch just out maneuvered me.  It is not often I underestimate someone.  I guess what they say is true: No matter how good you are, there is always someone better.

I am grinning so hard on the ride back to JAG HQ, my cheeks are cramping.  I have six months to help Bud.  Hopefully the Admiral will give us the leeway that is needed.  I am trying my best not to think about what the SECNAV has planned for me.  I guess it is too much to hope for that his plans are something I can live with.  I guess Harmon Rabb stays in the Navy a little while longer.  I have to focus on that.

As I walk into OPS, people stop and stare at me.  It finally dawns on me what they are looking at.  I forgot that I am wearing the medal Sheffield pinned to my blouse.   A few people try questioning me and I skirt the issue. 

"Congratulations, Commander.  The Admiral would like to see you, sir."  Coates is smiling that beautiful smile as she tells me that.  I head for the Admiral's office and I cross Mac's path.  My heart does somersaults and my stomach tightens into a knot of guilt over how I treated her.  I just have to keep convincing myself it is for my sanity's sake that we steer clear of each other in a nonprofessional capacity.  Her eyes drop to the medal on my chest and I can see the mixture of shock and pride on her face before she stiffens.

"Commander," she says softly.  My heart breaks again.  Her voice is better than flying in Sarah.  My two weeks leave can't come fast enough.

"Colonel," I respond.  Our eyes meet again for just a brief second before we continue on our way.  I knock on the Admiral's door and he barks for me to enter.

I walk in and snap to attention.  "You wanted to see me, sir?"  You know sometimes it gets boring saying the same thing every time he summons me to his office.  One of these days I am going to shake the old man up. I wonder what would happen if I waltzed in and said 'You need something AJ?'  Probably not a good idea.  I think he would survive his aneurism long enough to have me stationed in Antartica.

"At ease and have a seat."  Straight and to the point as always AJ.  "The SECNAV informed me of your meeting.  Outstanding job, Harm."  He is giving me praise?  Ok who kidnapped the real Chegwidden and replaced him with a robot?  The Admiral I know always has a bug up his six where I am concerned.  Robots?  Jeez, I am starting to think like Bud.

"Thank you, sir."  Obviously he can tell I am shocked at his praise.  I have been on his shit list for so long; I have forgotten what praise feels like from this man.  Well, praise for me anyway.  He has never had a problem showing it for Mac or Bud.

"I think we need to clear the air between us, Commander.  I wish things could have been different between us for the past year.  I understand you are aware that I was under orders to let you go.  I just want you to know that you have always been my most dedicated officer.  I have never seen someone go to such lengths as you do to help someone in need.  Now that I am free to say this, you are without a doubt a team player.  In fact, I feel like you are the glue that holds this team together.  I may be the coach of this little outfit, but you are definitely the star pitcher."  Man, pull the cork out of his six and you get flooded with compliments.

"Sir, I don't mean any offense, if you truly feel this way about me, why have you been so hard on me all these years?"  I don't know why I feel so brave pushing the envelope like this.  This is just too good an opportunity to pass up.

"The simple answer is I expect more from you.  You produce more, but the same time you take more chances than all of the other staff combined.  If someone didn't keep a tight rein on you, you would self destruct.  I always hoped Col. Mackenzie could mellow your antics, but she is almost as bad as you sometimes."  He is right in a way.  I guess competing with me brought it out of her.  Of course, more times than not she was the voice of reason.

The Admiral and I talk for about an hour mapping out strategy where Bud is concerned.  We decided not to tell him that I am grooming him any more than usual.  The only thing Bud is going to know is he was selected to be the guinea pig for the new prosthetic.  Personally I think that is all he needs to know to motivate him to do his best.  I also convince the Admiral that until Bud is ready to fully test field work again, I should work alone.  I am hoping that Sturgis and I can work with Bud on his physical limitations and we can't do that if we are both out of town.  The Admiral decided that Mac and Sturgis can partner for a while and I can fly solo.  This is a good thing.  I don't think I can handle working with Mac right now and it gives me a chance to prove to the Admiral and to myself that I am worthy of the praise he has given me.

I decide to secure for the day and make up for missing my morning run.  I think a good run will help me to prepare for tomorrow in court.  I have one witness left and if it goes right, Mac doesn't have a chance of convicting my client.

After the run, I return home to ice my knees.  It is getting harder to run on them, I am not looking forward to the day I have to give that up too.  It seems lately there are fewer days ahead than there are behind on the things I enjoy to do.

Well, finally there is an end to this long day.  I imagine tomorrow will be just as long.

_To be continued…_ 


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  I make no money.  Anyone who wants to hire a writer, I am available. _

_A/N: I am amazed at the reviews that have been given.  To the majority of you who like the story thank you very much.  Your praise means a lot.  To the minority who don't like it.  All I can do is thank you as well.  I am sorry if you don't like the story.  I don't consider myself to be a Mac basher at all.  I don't watch the show to look for ways to keep them apart.  No, I am afraid the powers that be decided that.  I think both Harm and Mac have made mistakes with each other.  Harm has definitely said things he shouldn't but so has Mac.  I remember the feelings I had watching A Tangled Webb, Part 2 and thinking, who the hell are these people on screen?  The way it was going, I had expected to hear that DJE and Catherine Bell have had a falling out and can't stand each other.  I remember the scene with Mac and Webb in bed after she killed Sadik.  I had a bad feeling the whole episode.  I thought Mac and Webb were totally unbelievable as a couple.  I used my own personal thoughts and feelings and built on them to make my version of Harm.  I have tried very hard to stay true to his character.  I hope to continue doing so._

_I don't know if I have 30 or 40 parts left in this story, but I am strongly considering leaving some openings for companion pieces and sequels.  I'll just have to see where it goes.  _

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 5**

"Harmon Rabb, you are a piece of slime!!" Mac said to me. 

Yeah, it has definitely been a long day…again.  I got up this morning on time for once.  It gave me plenty of time to stretch the kinks out of my neck and back and even ice my knees before and after my morning run.  I went over my entire case during my run as well as the ride into work.  I had been fully prepared to sink Mac's case against my client.  The poor guy is innocent and just needs someone to wade through all the circumstantial evidence.  It is my job to stand up for him and see that the truth prevails.  I caught Mac with her pants down in court a little earlier.  I have effectively obliterated her case, hence the reason I have just been called a piece of slime.  Go ahead Mac I can take it.  I am surprised you haven't called me a heartless bastard yet.  Damn, she is sexy when she is pissed off about a court case.  Mac has several different anger faces.  One of them came out the other night.  That one is the don't screw with the marine face.  Then there is the face where she is mad about some injustice to the point of doing something non violent.  She also has a face where anger starts after I have just annoyed her.  The face I am looking into right now is my favorite of all her anger faces.  Sometimes I think I honestly sand bag her in court just so I can see this look.  This face is her pissed off about my case going to shit.  When she looks at me like she is, I just want to grab her and kiss her so hard.  Maybe I should kiss her.  That might shut her up.  Of course it doesn't matter; I am not listening to her anyway.

"Are you even listening to me, Commander?" No. Not really. 

"Of course, Mac.  You are mad at me because my client is innocent." 

Oh boy.  She is in my face now.  I think she has been going for several minutes.  She is comparing me to all sorts of species of reptiles.  It only takes a few seconds to tune her out and just look into her sexy eyes, to watch her beautiful nostrils flare, to see her lips crinkling slightly as she yells at me. Blah, blah, blah.  She just keeps going.  If she doesn't stop soon, I am going to have to say something really stupid to piss her off more.  If I don't change her anger face, I will kiss her.  Please go away Mac before I have to say something stupid.  I am tired of having to piss you off enough to kill me just so I won't try to take you to bed.  Well, she is not stopping.  Time to piss her off.  "You know what Mac, you're just jealous.  You hate it that I win more cases than you do."

"I do not!  You are so childish Harmon Rabb."  Yep, she is starting to change.  Still damn sexy though.  Guess I am just going to have to keep trying.

"And you are thick headed and envious."

"Stupid squid."

"Stubborn jarhead."

She is pissed off and just marches away.  I suppose this could have been worse considering our blow up two days ago.  Maybe this is a positive sign that eventually I will be able to resist this woman without having to trample our relationship.  Nah!  The only thing keeping me from throwing her down on a bed and pleasuring her all night is the thought that she wants me dead.

I managed to finish out that day without any further altercations with Mac.  The next day was short and sweet.  I did manage to get my client acquitted.  I now am awaiting midnight for it to officially be Thursday so I can turn my phones off.  I will be on leave for two weeks.

_Thursday morning._

I sit here quietly.  It seems so calm and peaceful.  It's hard to believe I am in a cemetery.  Her parents sure did pick a good spot to lay her to rest.  I find it difficult to be here on her birthday like this without flashing back to that moment.  The moment I will remember for the rest of my life.  The day that my world came crashing down around me.  I still remember the intense pain that stabbed through me as if the words were a knife.  "_Lt. Diane Shonke._"  I remember pulling the body bag apart and seeing her lifeless body.  I remember the blood.  I also remember her in uniform at Annapolis.  I remember holding her hand walking on Gram's farm.  I remember taking her up for Sarah's maiden flight.  There was also the time we almost got caught fooling around in Gram's barn.   I flash on physical therapy trying to relearn how to walk after my ramp strike; Diane dressed in a ridiculous cheerleader outfit just to make me laugh and try that much harder.  I remember every dinner, every kiss, every tear.  God I miss you Diane.  You left this world too soon.  It's been hard going on without you.  At first it was hard to look at Mac everyday.  It has gotten easier over the years.  She is getting older and she has changed her appearance several times.  She looks different than when I first met her, when she looked exactly like you.  Now when I remember you, I remember how you looked then and it is different that how Mac looks now.  I wonder if you and she would still be twins if you were still alive.  I love you Diane.  I know I have never said it out loud but I loved you then, and I love you now.  See you next time.

I was with Diane for three hours and didn't realize it.  I'm going to be late if I don't hurry.  I put the gas pedal further down to the floor.  I love driving the Vette like this.  I love opening it up and seeing what she's got.  After another hour of driving, I pull into Hammer Aviation.  Tom Johnson comes out to greet me.

"How are you doing Harm?" Well, gee Tom, I lost my daughter, my future wife and all the children we could have had together.  How the hell do you think I am doing?

"Not bad Tom.  Is Sarah ready to fly for me?" 

"She is fueled up and ready to go.  Mattie is going to be upset that she missed you."

"Well, I have to take this trip.  Hopefully she will be here when I get back."

"I hope so too.  She really misses you.  Harm I can't thank you enough for the job.  I can never repay you for taking care of my little girl."  I used my building as collateral to buy the hangar and the planes.  I decided Tom should run the business for me.  I knew he would need a stable job, and I need someone.  I couldn't very well let Mattie dump school again.

"No problem Tom."  I wish this conversation was over.  I need to get into the air.  I am going to enjoy this trip in Sarah.  I have needed this for a while.

"Why don't you come over for dinner when you get back?"  Just what I want to see, Mattie and her father functioning as a family.  I know she really needed to go back and make things work with him, but damn it, the selfish side of me wants her back.

"Sure thing.  Take it easy Tom," I have to meet them for dinner.  I have to be supportive, even if a part of me wants to claim her as my own.

  I put my bag into Sarah and climb in.  I start her engine and let it warm up.  I feel good as I taxi down the runway.  Once I am in the air, I feel the tension leaving my body.  This feels good, damn good.  All of my worries leave my mind.  I know it is temporary and I have to deal with it.  Of course, that is why I am taking this little trip, to deal with it. 

After several hours, I have arrived.  I see the Rabb farm in the distance.  I bring Sarah around and come in for a landing on our make shift runway.  I shut the engine off and look down to see Gram waiting for me.  I really needed to come up here.  It has been a while since I have seen Gram.  I need to get things off my chest.  I need someone to understand.

"Well, come give your Gram a hug, Harm," she says to me.  I jump down and give her a big grin and hug her like she is my life raft.  Of course, she is my life raft.  "My grandson is upset.  Come on into the house and tell me all about it."

This might be just what I need.  It's going to be a great two weeks.

_To be continued._

_I hope no one minds.  I need a chapter or two to slow things down.  It will be picking up soon.  I hope everyone enjoys._


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  I am taking offers. LOL!_

_A/N: Thanks for all of the great reviews.  I will continue to work hard on this story.  Things will be picking up soon.  Enjoy._

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 6**

**_"Do you love him?"_**

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**_"That's not a question you get to ask."_**

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**_"That's a nice smile, Commander…"_**

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**_"You don't want to be in my dreams, Major."_**

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**_"Friendship ring?"_**

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**_"For now."_**

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**_"I told her all about you and like all the other women in your life, she ran."_**

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**_"What are you willing to give up to have me?_**

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**_"That's why it will never work between us."_**

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**_"Both want to be on top.   Both want to be on top.  On top.  On top.  Physically and emotionally impossible."_**

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**_"What are you willing to give up to have me?"_**

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**_"Clay and I are very happy."_**

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**_"He is so open with his feelings."_**

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**_"He canned me."_**

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**_"What are you willing to give up to have me?  To have me? What are you willing to give up to have me?"_**

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**_"You don't even tell me you are sorry that I lost my career to save your life."_**

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**_"What are you willing to give up to have me?"_**

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"Harm?" Gram's voice is soft and steady.  It was enough to get me out of my trance.  She hands me a cup of tea.  I am not the biggest tea drinker, but Gram's tea is the best.  She sits down and just looks at me.  She knows I have a lot on my mind.  She is not going to pry.  She knows that I will open up when I am ready.  We sit for the longest time just drinking tea.  We finally dive into small talk.  I manage to squeeze a list of things that need to be done around here.  I am only going to be here a few days, but I still want to do something to help her out.  I should talk to her now, I am just not ready.  I need time to relax.  Time to forget.  Just a little longer. Then I will tell Gram everything.

_Friday…_

Breakfast on the farm was as usual.  Early and delicious.  The thing about the Rabb farm is you have to wake up early.  The advantage to getting up early is the afternoon naps.   Nothing beats an afternoon nap in the shade out here.

I have been spending the day repairing the fence.  There is a section that has needed to be replaced for a while.  I find myself out in the fresh air, basking in the warm sun.  Feeling the rays penetrate the skin of my shirtless back.  I have forgotten how good it feels to work out on the farm. 

It isn't until after supper Friday that I decided to talk to Gram.  I tell her everything.   How I feel about Mac, every hateful thing I have ever said to her.  Every hateful thing she has ever said to me.   I have told her our complete history.  Except one thing.  It is hard to believe in all the years I have known Mac; she has never met Gram, or mom for that matter.  I don't know why I never brought this up.

I hand Gram a picture of Mac.  She looks it over and says, "That Diane was a beautiful girl.  Harm, you will never make things work with Sarah if you don't move on from Diane."  Oh boy.  Here we go.

"Gram, that's Mac.  Not Diane."  I think it dawns on her now.  She knows the whole problem.  Gram knows how difficult Diane's death has been for me.  Even now, I miss that woman.  I said that when I look at Mac, I no longer see Diane.  The problem I have now is whenever I close my eyes and see Diane; I can't help but think of Mac.  "Gram, how have you survived all these years without Grandpa?  How could you stand for Dad, and then me following into the same uncertain fate?  Dad never returned.  I almost haven't, and there may come a day that I won't return?  How have you lived with it?"  Maybe if she can explain that, I can learn to let people in.

"All the Rabb men are strong willed.  Flying is in your blood.  I try not to focus on the negative, Harm.  I thank God every day for the time I had with your father and grandfather.  I thank God every day that you have not been taken from us.  If the day comes that you are taken, I will thank God for the days that we had together.  Never focus on what could happen."

We talk for a while longer.  I am able to tell her about all of my fears.  I never want a wife and child to go through what Mom and I went through.  I still remember that Christmas Eve like it was yesterday.

"Harm, you are making all of the choices yourself.  You have not given Sarah the benefit of the doubt.  Tell her how you feel.  You gave up your career because you love her.  She shunned you, but you have shunned her as well.  You need to learn forgiveness.  Forgive her.  Forgive yourself.  If you truly love her, you need to tell her.  You owe it to her.  You owe it to yourself, if for no other reason than to get it off your chest and move on.  I have a feeling that Sarah loves you as much as you do her."  Maybe Gram is right.  I need to talk to Mac.  Maybe we should dig deep and really lay it on the line.  All these years, I have never actually made my feelings completely known.  I hoped to be vague enough to keep her interested, hoping she will not turn to someone else.  I needed time to get my life in order.

"Gram, I have said some pretty mean and hateful things to her.  I don't know if I have the right to ask forgiveness."  I feel like the world's biggest ass.  I have spent the past year Mac bashing.

"Harm, everyone deserves forgiveness.  Can you forgive Sarah for the awful things she has said to you?"

"I think so.  I am still very angry with her about things from this past year.  I would like to get over the anger and move on."

"Then talk to her.  Remember my boy, always remember, Happiness is the journey, not the destination."  Happiness is the journey, not the destination.  Gram is a genius. 

_Saturday afternoon…_

I am in the middle of my return flight in Gram's namesake.  Gram has given me a lot to think about.  I need to really take the rest of my leave and think it over.

I get another 4 days of leave to think things over before I am called back to duty.  So much for two weeks.  I returned to JAG HQ to find Bud doing well.  My protégé is working hard to adapt to the new prosthetic.   Mac is nowhere to be found.  She is gone on an investigation with Sturgis.  I am ushered into the Admiral's office and told to sit.

"Sorry to interrupt your leave Commander, but I don't think you will mind after I am finished.  I want you and Bud out to the Patrick Henry.  I want you to test Lt. Roberts's sea worthiness.  I want a full and honest appraisal of his performance."  Wow.  The Admiral really is pushing hard for Bud.  "I know it is asking extra of you Commander with all that flight time you are going to have."  Say that again.  Flight time?

"Sir?"  I don't know what he is saying.  It looks like I am going to get to fly on this trip.  That's great.

"Didn't I tell you, Commander?"  He asks with a slight smile.  He knows damn well he didn't tell me anything.  He is toying with me.  "Captain Pike has to have surgery.  They expect him to be out for two months.  He has requested you be assigned to fill his duties as CAG while he is away.  The SECNAV personally issued the order yesterday.  Harm, with the SLIP campaigns coming up, you know what this could mean for your career."  Me… CAG on the Patrick Henry.  This is too much.

After leaving the Admiral's office, I break the good news to Bud and Harriet.  I assure Harriet that Bud will not leave the ship even if I have to throw him in the brig.  We are only going to be gone two months.  Two months at sea is enough to complete Bud's previous tour.  It will definitely be a feather in his cap.

I wish Mac were here to wish me luck.  I wish I had time to work things out with her before I had to leave. I have to settle with leaving her a note.

**_Mac,_**

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**_First of all I want to apologize for all of the mean and nasty things I have said.  I truly am sorry and it broke my heart to say them.  I only hope you find it in your heart to grant me forgiveness.  You were right that last night we saw each other.  We are better friends than that.  I have been angry with you for a long time.  I would like the opportunity to discuss this with you, once and for all.  We need to lay it all out on the table with each other.  I am ready to let go of my secrets.  I am ready to be completely honest with my feelings.  I talked with my Gram over my leave.  She says happiness is the journey and not the destination.  Sarah, I am taking the wrong journey.  I cannot be happy without you in my life.  I will be thinking about you while on the Henry._**

**_Please look after Harriet and assure her that I am watching over Bud. Thanks Ninja girl._**

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**_Harm_**

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I go home and pack for a tour at sea.  Harriet gives me a lift.  Bud and I say our goodbyes to Harriet and the kids and are soon traveling by Cod to the Persian Gulf.  I have a gnawing feeling in my stomach that things will not go smoothly.  Two months in the Persian Gulf with the SLIP campaigns a danger.  I have a feeling things are going to get explosive.

It's going to be a long two months.

_To be continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I own nothing.  I borrow and play with only._

_A/N: Sorry for the delay.  I took the weekend off and unfortunately for the story's sake it turned out to be almost a four day weekend.  I am hard at work on continuing the story.  Some of you had some questions which will be cleared up.  I know some were disappointed with the direction of the story.  All I can say is hang in there.  Things are going to get bumpy from here and may or may not go the way people might want.  I hope it does not interfere with everyone's enjoyment of the story._

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 7**

I have been on the Patrick Henry for a week and a half.  Things are unsteady to say the least.  Flying is wonderful as always.  Skates was waiting for me.  It seems she transferred back to the Henry to be my RIO, then she is going back state side.   I have gotten in a lot of traps and flown a number of sorties.  I have also been putting Bud through his paces.  He is doing quite well.  He has maneuvered around the ship with little problem, we just need to work on his speed.  With the new leg, he is able to jog.  He jogs with me every morning now.  He has lost eleven pounds.  I am proud of him; he is pretty serious about staying in the Navy.  Being the CAG has been an interesting experience.  I am the second most powerful man on the boat.  Having this command is going to look good for my career.  I hope I don't screw it up.  I don't know what is going on around here.  We have been having random system malfunctions.  So far it is nothing serious.  We have also had a rash of illnesses.  We still have a full crew compliment, but it is getting harder as the days go by.  The Skipper is not ready to declare an emergency yet, but the command staff is on alert.  Due to all of this, I have worked 14 hour days since I have been here.   I am a day or so away from 16 hour days.  I haven't heard from Mac since I came on board.  That's probably a good thing.  I am too busy to deal with Mac right now.

I am in my cabin enjoying a rare moment of relaxation.  I am relaxing while I can here.  My pilots are getting hit hard by the illness going around the ship.  I already have my team running two duty rotations instead of three.  I am about to join them on the extended duty shift.  As it is, I have been flying a full day like the active pilots normally would fly and I have been CAG and part time JAG on the boat.  I have a bad feeling about the malfunctions and the sickness on the ship.  If they had happened at different times, I would think it was a minor problem.  I just don't think it is a coincidence that it has happened at the same time.  I have Bud investigating the situation quietly.  Now is not a good time for this to be happening.

Intelligence for the past few months has indicated that "rouge" factions within Syria, Libya, Iran, and Pakistan have formed an alliance against America.  Allegedly, this group is acting outside of their government's purview.  Apparently, this group has possible ties to Al Qaeda.  They are extremely well financed.  There are rumors that they have bought military equipment from Russia: tanks, guns, ammo, helos, and Migs.  If the scuttlebutt is true, they have enough equipment to wage a small war on the battle group.  Thinking about it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  I have this sick feeling that makes my skin crawl.  Some hotshot at the CIA thought he was a genius and called the situation the SLIP campaigns.  SLIP of course stands for Syria Libya Iran Pakistan.  I bet Webb came up with that stupid name.  He probably wanted to impress Mac by coming up with something with a clever little letter trick.  Heh, I bet he wants to take her mind off the fact that he is a cold calculating bastard without a heart unless it gets him what he wants.  Every operation I have ever gone on with that idiot went south.  I am willing to bet the C-130 landing I did on the carrier was a Webb mission.  One thing is for sure, when Webb plans a mission, it blows up in my face.  Now that I think about it, Webb hasn't shown his face in a while.  I bet he will make an appearance soon.  He can't be gone too long.  Yep, probably why my skin is crawling… Webb is coming.  I have to get some sleep.  I have been going so much I am getting delirious.  One night of good sleep, while I have a chance.

_4 days later_

Well, shit has hit the fan.  SLIP has made an attack on the Seahawk battle group.  The Henry was going to rendezvous with the group when our systems started going nuts.  What I feared is coming to play.  We had no choice but to stay behind.  We have no way of knowing if our malfunctions can be spread to other ships.  Bud is working around the clock with the techies to get our systems back up and running.  I have been working 18 hour days.  Half of our pilots are down.  The illnesses have crippled 30 percent of the ship.  There is no doubt in my mind, this boat is under attack.  We have suffered malfunctions and illnesses that now quarantine us from all other ships.  We are effectively alone out in the ocean.  If we keep losing pilots, we are sitting ducks.  The Skipper has sent out the last long range communication that we dare to send at this time.  We are on our own.  We have to survive with just our own defenses, our current food supply, and our own boat keeping us afloat in the water.  Our boat is betraying us slowly but surely.  Things are not looking good and I have a feeling it is only going to get worse.

Skates and I have been flying double shifts.  We are trying to fill in for the missing pilots.   Since Skates and I just recently came aboard, I have taken authority as CAG to allow us to fly more missions.  So far the illness that is spreading around the other pilots has not affected me or Skates.  I am getting three hours of sleep each night.  I haven't gone this hard since the Academy. 

"Hammer, I am picking up something on radar," Skates tells me.  I tell her to give me coordinates and we can investigate.  What I find chills me to the bone.  There are a dozen Migs heading for the Patrick Henry.  Skates and I are close to bingo fuel and we are about to be under attack.  With the shortage we have on pilots right now… No time to think about it Hammer.   We hit supersonic speeds on the way back to the ship.  For some reason we have been unable to raise the ship.  I finally decide the only chance we have is to dump our ordinance and try to get back faster. We have increased our speed now and the Henry is coming up.  Communications are back.  All I can do is warn them now.

"This is Bad Man 1.  We have 12, I repeat 12 bogies centering on the ship.  Imminent attack, I repeat, imminent attack.  We are at bingo fuel and have dumped our ordinance to increase speed.  We are in the air with no line of defense.  Request another bird be ready after we trap."

"Roger Bad Man 1."  Good, very good.  If I have figured correctly we have 4 minutes before the Migs reach us.  We need to get back in the air as soon as we can.

Skates and I trap and pull to a stop as soon as we can.  I open the canopy and we jump out quickly.  There is no time to wait for the crews to help us.  We find our bird waiting for us and we ready for emergency quick take off.  I am informed that we now have a total of 4 pilots including myself.  All of our other pilots have slipped into comas.  We are so screwed.

"Ok ladies the odds are 3 to 1, pick up the paces and whatever you do, don't miss.  Our boat is going to be taking heavy fire. Bad Man 1 has the lead."  We have to hit hard and fast.  There is no other way to do this.  Skates informs me that the bogies are coming in as one group.  It gives me an idea.  "Ok, listen up. Continue flying in formation and engage the enemy.  I am breaking away from the group.  I am going to fly low and fast and see if we can't break this little party up."

Skates and I go low.  We are flying the deck and she is calling the numbers out.  The bogies have not broken from formation yet.  We are hoping that they are focused on the group of our Tomcats and not the one flying the deck.  As soon as we are in range, I pull up hard I fire the 20 mm cannons as much as I can.  I am pulling back and forth trying to do as much damage as I can.

"Two bogies down Hammer, three others hit."  Good now it is 4 against 10 with 3 out of the 10 being damaged.  Our only prayer is that we are up against inexperienced pilots.  "We have to bogies on our six."

I fly fast and turn hard trying to shake the Migs from our tail.  2 of the other Migs decide they want to play chicken.  These guys can't be that stupid can they?  I increase speed straight into the path of two bogies with two bogies closing in on my six. I am trying to maneuver to keep them from getting a lock.  As we get closer I fire the cannons and have Skates deploy two flares.  I blew one bogie out of the sky before I pull up hard and break right. The remaining three Migs collide and explode with a brilliant flash of light.  I kind of feel sorry for the poor bastards for flying stupid.

Tuna and the others catch up to our position.  It is now 4 on 4.  We take out the remaining four Migs.  I turn to head back towards the Henry when we get the call.  Static fills the radio but it does come through.  The Patrick Henry is under attack.  There are 6 more Migs.   We close the distance and engage.  Tuna leads two bogies away from the ship.  The other 4 are closing in.  I fire and blow one out of the sky.  It hits me that I just got my seventh kill in the air today.  I am excited and saddened at the same time.  It is always hard to kill someone, no matter how much it is necessary.

We lost two tomcats.  We had chutes on all; I just pray they are ok.  I know how it feels to land in the drink.   Tuna and I are the only ones left.  We are facing off against 3 bogies.  Tuna gets another kill then I get one.  I am horrified when I see the last Mig is doing a suicide run towards the ship.

In fractions of a second, the possibilities run through my head.  If there is enough fuel in that plane, it could sink the ship.  If they hit a critical area of the ship, we would be crippled.  I am also fully aware that the angle we are going, if I miss with my missile, I am going to hit the ship.  Friendly fire at its worst.  Shit.  This asshole is going for the bridge.  If I do nothing, the command center of the ship is knocked out.  If I miss, I knock the command center out.  Damn it Harm, don't miss.  I get a lock and fire.

The explosion is loud and blinding.

_To be continued…_


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I still own nothing. I still make no money. Darn it._

_A/N:  Sorry for the long wait.  Work has been murder.  Some poor unfortunate souls decided it would be fun to uninstall their antivirus software. _

**The Fall and Rise of Harmon Rabb Chapter 8**

They say your life flashes before your eyes just as death is ready to claim you.  That is not happening to me.  Of course if I have anything to say about it, I am not going to die.  My pilot reflexes have kicked into overdrive.  I have less than a second to pull up or we are going to collide with the bridge of the Patrick Henry.  I pull up hard.  This is going to be close.  In the same instant that I pull up, I feel searing pain throughout my body.  The canopy shatters around me and I close my eyes.  Having plexy in my eyes once is enough for a lifetime.  A second later, I realize that we are still alive and have not gone up in flames.  I feel the G forces of a fast climb.  I open my eyes and feel the air drying my tear ducts.  We made it.  But did we get the Mig in time?  "This is Badman 1.  What is the status on the bridge?"  Nothing. Damn, we were too late.

"Hammer, communications are out."  Skates is breathing heavy.  I am sure she is happy to be alive.  I feel our bird performing sluggishly.  We need to land.  We do a fly by and I waggle my wings to indicate silent approach.  This is not going to be my best trap.  Going in deaf is never easy, but not impossible.  We approach the deck and I feel us land.  I go to full power before I feel the pull of the wire.  I reduce power and breathe a sigh or relief.  Skates tells me, "Nice landing Harm."

"Thanks Skates."  The crew comes and helps us out of our Tomcat.  I can barely stand and I don't know why.  I look down and I see.  A piece of shrapnel is sticking out of my thigh.  My flight suit is torn to shreds and I am bleeding from my midsection.  Realizing that I am injured, my body starts to hurt like hell.  A corpsman comes to look at me.  They pull my flight suit down around my waist.  I have cuts from what looks like shrapnel grazing me.  I came damn close to punching my ticket this time.  I am informed that sick bay is full.  I get bandaged up and I instruct the corpsman to do his best getting the shrapnel out of my leg.  My injuries are not life threatening and I can wait.  I tense myself up as he pulls it out.  Oh God! That hurts.  I scream several curses that would make any sailor proud.  My thigh is cleaned as best as possible on the flight deck and bandaged.  "What is the situation on the bridge?"

The LSO gives me the bad news.  "You stopped the Mig's suicide run but it was too close.  The bridge is damaged and we have injured crew.  The XO is dead.  The Skipper has been rushed to sick bay.  He was hurt pretty bad."  Damn it to hell.  I was too slow.  It is then that I realize the scariest thought of my career.  With the skipper out of commission and the XO dead, I am the senior officer onboard.  Holy shit, I am now the acting Captain of the Patrick Henry.

"Help me to the bridge.  We need to assess our situation and prepare for more attacks."  I have never thought of myself as qualified to skipper a boat before.  I am now responsible for thousands of lives.  At least I hope there are that many left.  We did take heavy fire from the looks of it.  Once I get to the bridge, my heart sinks.  There is blood splattered around.  The windows are blown out and there is heavy damage.  "Get every available repair crew up here now.  We need this bridge operational yesterday."

"Aye aye sir," a Petty Officer says as he snaps to and runs out.

I sit down in a chair and begin issuing orders.  We are on full alert.  I send someone to check on the Skipper's condition and send someone else to find Bud.  I don't know if I could ever face Harriet if Bud isn't ok.  About that time Bud comes in.  He has a small gash on his forehead but seems to be ok.  Thank God.   He has some kind of electronic box in his hand.  "Commander, I am glad that you are alright. I have found the source of the malfunctions, sir.  This was integrated into the system when the Patrick Henry had its last upgrade.  From what I can tell, it was designed to create small malfunctions until the systems were sent completely haywire on a predetermined timeline."  I am relieved he is ok and enraged at the same time.  Someone sabotaged the ship.

"Lieutenant Roberts, good work!  I am glad you are ok.  Your wife would have my six if anything happened to you.  Can our systems be corrected?"  We have to get this boat operational again.

"I believe we can recover the systems, sir.  That is assuming of course we can repair the battle damage."

  I wonder if the other ships have similar devices onboard.  "Bud I need you to write up a brief summary of what you found, where you found it and how to disarm it if possible.  Make it brief.  I am going to send a pilot within range of the Seahawk and warn the battle group."

"Commander?" A petty officer calls out.  "I have word on the Skipper, sir."

"What is his condition?"  My stomach feels like I am pulling seven G's while I wait for the full report on the Captain.

"He is in surgery sir.  He is in critical but stable condition."  I try to keep my heart hardened to the news. 

The PA on the ship seems to be functioning so I pick up the mic to make the announcement. "This is the CAG, Commander Harmon Rabb.  Captain Ingles has been injured and is in surgery.  The XO did not survive our encounter.  As of this moment, I am assuming command of the Patrick Henry.  With the XO dead, I am the senior officer on board.  I have hope that the Captain will survive.  I need everyone to give me no less than what Captain Ingles expects of you.  We have survived this battle but there may be others.  Focus on your duties and we will see this through.  I have faith in each and every crew member on board.  We need repair crews to focus on our main systems starting with weapons.  Let's get to work people.  We are the best ship and crew in the Navy and it is time to prove it.  That is all."

I spend the next four hours on the bridge.  Repair crews have been working non stop.  They assure me a functioning bridge within the next couple of hours.  Our weapons systems are online and ready.  We were able to recover the two flight crews who had to eject over the ocean.  They have minor injuries and are back in flight.  I have them doing tight patrols around the ship.  Bud has also learned from the ship medical staff that the crew has been poisoned.  It seems the meat has been tainted.  That would explain why some of us were not affected.  It seems I am not the only vegetarian on board.  Some people must have immunity to the poison used.  It looks like our saboteur is still onboard.  Captain Ingles has survived surgery.   I sent Tuna to the Seahawk to inform them of our situation.  Hopefully they are in better shape than we are.  Long range communications will be out for some time.  I sent word through Tuna of our saboteur and that we do request medical personnel and any pilots that can be spared.  We will evacuate only injured crew members and they are to be kept under guard.  One of them may be responsible for our situation.  We are still acting under general quarantine from the battle group as much as possible.  I don't want to give an opening for escape.  I feel like shit.  I am tired and my cuts are on fire.  My leg is throbbing.  I am starting to bleed again.  The bandages around my stomach and thigh are turning a deep crimson color.  I made a doctor come to the bridge to treat me because I refuse to leave.  He cleans my cuts and stab wound.  I am given something for the pain and I am patched up.  I had to have two staples in my leg.  Even with a local, it hurt like hell.  I had one cut pretty bad on my side.  I shudder to think at how close shrapnel came to slicing me in two.  As it is, I now have four staples in my side and some stitches across my chest.  I hope I don't have to fly anytime soon or I am going to be in intense pain.

_Two days later:_

I haven't slept since the attack.  I am so tired.  I have about maxed out on the Go pills.  The stupid doctor won't let me have anymore.  I am going to have to take some time soon and get some sleep.  I can walk on my leg but it is stiff and hurting.  The stitches in my chest itch like hell and I have learned the hard way on twisting my body.  The staples in my side have been there to show me to keep good posture.  Our injured have been evacuated now and we have fresh supplies.  Our communications systems are back up.  We also have more pilots.  I am also still the acting Captain of the ship.  I don't know if anyone else is available or they just think I am handling the situation.  I can't help but wonder if the Secnav is pulling strings so I can gain more experience.  If that is the case, I don't think I am going to have too much fun as the Secnav's secret agent.  I find myself wondering how Mac is doing.  I never heard from her after I left Jag HQ those few short weeks ago.  Those weeks don't feel so short anymore.  It feels like months since I last saw her.  The amazing thing about my body's meeting with shrapnel, my flight suit was torn to hell, I was ripped into hamburger, but the picture I have of Mac that I carry every time I fly was unscathed.  It didn't have a scratch or a crease on it.  I finally decide I need to sleep.  I have gone too long without it.  I need rest or I will not be able to function anymore.  I am not a midshipman at the academy, I am a tired jet jockey who is twice the age I was when I was a midshipman.  It stinks to get old.  I go for a hot shower.  It aggravates the cuts on my body but it does feel good to let the steam soak into my pores.  When I am done, I don't even bother to shave.  I am too damn tired and who the hell is going to call the Captain to the carpet for having beard stubble in a time of war?  I go to my quarters and fall on my bunk. I am feeling myself go.

Six hours later I am awake and on the bridge.  I feel a little better, but I could have used twelve hours more sleep.  I am starting to feel my skin crawl.  A cod is calling requesting permission to land.  I issue orders to communications to advise of our quarantine.  The cod keeps insisting on landing. Finally I have had enough and get on the horn myself.

"This is Commander Harmon Rabb, acting Captain of the Patrick Henry.  We are under quarantine by my order.  You are instructing to alter course and leave the area," I say with my best intimidating tone.  It is then that I find out why my skin is crawling.

"Rabb let us land.  You and I need to talk."  Webb…shit.  I have enough to deal with and now the spook from hell wants to come into my sandbox.  The problem with him is, he treats my sandbox like it is cat litter.  The bastard.

This is going to be interesting.

_To be continued…_


End file.
